My world has changed

The world that I lived in when I started writing years ago has changed. I've been through so much and I've lived through so much and because of that my writing has changed. I write darker things, things that mean something to me. It lets me breathe when I see it on the screen in black and white. It takes that darkness inside me and lessens it. It doesn't help much, but just enough for to be keep going another day. With that said, here is a snippet of the newest original fic that I'm working on. As always, the characters are based on people I know with my life intertwined in their stories. I hope you like it as much as I've grown from writing it.

Chris stared down at the razor blade in his hand, his tears blurring his vision. He inhaled a shallowly and swallowed back the bile that was trying to choke him.
He looked up into the mirror and blinked away the tears. He could still hear his mother's words, the insults and hate that had fell from the lips of the woman he had always loved.
He blinked, his eyes squeezing shut tightly until lights flashed behind his eyes. He hadn't chose this, he wasn't a mistake. He was himself and he just wanted to be happy.
Some times letting go seemed so easy, seemed like the best choice. He looked back down at the blade and turned it in his hand. His chest tightened as he heard the sound of his parent's voices coming up the stairs. He could hear their screams and not for the first time he wanted it to end. He wanted to feel like he belonged.
Before he could even really second guess himself the blade was on his wrist. He hissed as the sharp edge spread his skin wide. The darkness shocked him and he found himself watching it as it rolled over the edge of his wrist and dripped to the floor. He was so enraptured by the site that he didn't feel the heaviness in his head, the way his knees turned to jello until he was falling. He gasped out in pain as his knees slammed into the tile floor.
The last thing he saw was the bright red color of his life spreading over the white tile floor.

Bound: The Series Jake's Chapter

And here a little snippet for my girls... you know who are you.

I bit my lip as one of his hands moved slowly down my body to the aching flesh between my legs. I groaned quietly as he palmed me, his hand resting heavily against my curls, his fingers not pushing further through my lips, yet heavy enough to make my hips rock against him. “Shh, tell me more.” He said tightening his hold on me.
I blinked against the darkness unable to clear my hazy mind to remember where I had finished but as always he seemed to know what I needed before I even realized it. “You want to be tied up and taken?”
I made a small sound of assent and licked my suddenly parched lips, “I want to be taken, hard fast until I scream.”
“You always scream.” He replied, his teeth biting the tendons on the back of my neck making me yelp. “How do you want this to be different?” My knees went weak as he pressed one of his fingers through the fleshy lips of my core and pressed against my clit, not moving just pressing against the almost painfully sensitive nub. “What about until you can't stand?” He made a small noise in his throat as if he remembered something, “But I always make sure you can't stand, so.” I felt him pull away from me, both of his hands palming my waist and my eyes slammed shut as he lifted me slightly and ground his body against me. I gasped as I felt the heat of his body through the jeans pressed so close to my body. I wanted nothing more than to fell that heat as he pressed into me slowly, stretching me, filing me until I shattered. “What if I fuck you,” he ground his hips up into me again and I had to fight to hear what he said over the deafening sound of blood rushing through my ears, “until you beg me to stop?”

Twice as Nice teaser

Okay so I am working on a new lemon filled goodie, staring not one but two Jakes. And I decided that I would share a little snippet. No lemony goodness... yet *smirks*

Curiosity got the best of me and I moved from behind Rachel and looked toward the front porch my eyes took in the sight but my mind wouldn't, maybe couldn't, comprehend what I was seeing. I stared up at the porch, I felt my mouth drop open and I couldn't close it for the life of me. Rachel's brothers stood on the porch, both shirtless, one bent to the rail his elbows holding him up and the other stood, with his arms above his head holding onto the top of the porch ceiling.

“Jake, Taylor be nice.” Rachel stated and I watched as a smile broke out on both their faces, “And could you PLEASE wear clothes?”

The brother leaning against the rail stood and they both crossed their arms over their chest and my heart stopped beating for a full five seconds, “We are always nice,” They spoke in perfect harmony, “And we have on clothes.”

Updates and Additions

I followed through on my promise tonight and I have updated Maybe, Just Maybe and added a new one titled, Someone Like You, based on Adele's song by the same title. Hope you all like them. Love you all, Bells

And here we go again...

I guess I should say sorry for being so long between tweets but to say that my life has gone into the shitter this year, would be an understatement so lets just say that real life got me chewed me up and spit me out.
I can't promise that I'll be regular at this at least I can try and that's the best I can do. I will be adding my fan fiction which makes me nervous and happy all in one moment.
And as much as I hate to say it I don't know that I will be writing anymore Backstreet Boy fiction. I still love them, I don't think that will ever change but other projects have thoroughly caught my attention. So I don't know if I will ever finish the stories that I still have unfinished, but perhaps I will get the time, place to do it.
So off to post and update my stories. Will post a blog as soon as I get it done.
As always, love you all.
Bells

Goodbye Zac, you will be missed.

Today, just a few minutes ago actually, I got some of the worst news.

My fiance's best friend Zac, shot and killed himself three days ago. I am stunned to my core by this news and I am hurting in ways I didn't know was possible.
Zac was the funniest, and craziest person you would ever love. He had an intense obsession of Iron Maiden's Eddie. He had numerous posters, hats, shirts and tattoos of the freaky looking thing. But that was Zac, and you loved him for it.

I remember the first time I met him, Mario and I went to his house to play Risk (a game I thoroughly HATE) but Zac was so drunk that he was unable to move the necessary pieces so guess who gets pulled into the game? Yeah I was Zac's “little man mover” as he called it. Being as drunk as he was he was unable to remember my name, which if it had been anyone else I would have been upset but with him, it was funny. Finally, he said that he was renaming me Babe, that he could remember that one. He only called me babe that one time, then it on to whatever other names happened to pop into his head.

A few years ago, he had a baby girl and I am saddened beyond belief that she will not have him in her life. Her life will be a little darker without him.

Zac, I wish I could have seen you again, I miss you. I'm so sorry that things got so bad that you had to take this step. You were so loved by so many people and I'm so happy to say that I am one of those people.

But you wouldn't want us to cry, I can see your face now telling us to shut the fuck up.

I know this is probably the most rambling bunch of mush I've ever written and for that I'm sorry but I just had to get it out.

Rock On, Forever Zac!

I sound quiet Bitchy, but I promise I wasn't trying to (well maybe a little)

Well Hello again!

Here I am at 4 am unable to sleep… wait maybe the word is unwilling… anyway I’m not asleep but that’s beside the point.

I received an email this week from a Heidi C. inviting me to a site called “Lookville”. When I first read the email I was flattered, I have to admit. The email was about how she had been to my site and how she was impressed about what was on it and how it looked. *deflate ego here* So I clicked the link and of course there wasn’t much explanation about what the site was except it was about fashion advice. That in its self made me pause. I thought back to my blog, it had absolutely NOTHING do to with fashion. So I pulled out the all knowing Google and googled it right on up.

There I found a large amount of information (as always) about Lookville and it took me a few clicks until I found the one that I was looking for. Basically Lookville is a site that’s by ‘invitation’ only. I use invitation in quotations because it seems that there are a LARGE number of people who have been given the invite, and while that’s okay, it loses its power if everyone gets an invite.

Anyway I read on about a person (I won’t use her name since it’s SO very late at night and I’m certain that she is not a freak like me and up at the ass crack of dawn and I don’t feel like waiting for an email to make sure that it’s okay) who had used the site to do just what you are supposed to do and post pictures of yourself in an outfit and people would comment on it. While this person posted the picture and asked a very specific question about this said dress the people who responded did so in a very unkind and un-topic related way. The way she responded to the comments was the way I would have handled it also, she would wear the dress no matter what anyone else said. Amen to that one. Fashion like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I believe fashion is about what makes you FEEL good, not only what makes you look good. If you find something that makes you feel like a million bucks and it makes you look good, then you are very lucky person indeed.

But saying that, I find it highly annoying that someone would email me stating that my site was related to something that it wasn’t; if the email had been about writing, I would have jumped up and down with glee. As you can tell, or at least I hope you can tell, I’m not.

So Heidi C., I’m sorry that I won’t be able to accept this invitation on the grounds that either you misread my blog, didn’t look at it, or didn’t care what was there.

“Ciao!”